[T]he Pickman family came of good Puritan stock, which had been cooked up by the European Anabaptist movement and simmered under the tyranny of Queen Elizabeth I before boiling over to spill across the Atlantic on the decks of the Mayflower and indelibly discolor the pages of American history. (Perhaps it should be explained that Anabaptism was a reaction against Baptism, a doctrine peculiar to occidental monotheism dictating that prospective Christians needed to be immersed in water in order for them to see God; Royal edict demanded that the baptee must remain in an upright position throughout the process, thus necessitating the deployment of the baptor's foot to keep the baptee's head submerged until perception of divinity had been achieved. The Anabaptists rejected this, favouring instead the method of suspending the anabaptee by the ankles, thereby avoiding the concomitant problem of rust forming on the buckles they used to fasten their footwear, being unable to tie their shoelaces. Or perhaps it should not.)
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